And we’re back

A good nights sleep sure does wonders for your mood.  That and feeding the new babies.

I finally got a good amount of cuddle time with Phoenix last night.  That’s what I was missing the most.  Nothing beats the feeling of being held in her arms.  I pretty much fell asleep there as well as I didn’t get much the night before.

Tonight I am going with Phoenix to the Prairie Dommes meet and greet.  The Prairie Dommes are a group in the city that Phoenix is a co-coordinator of for, well, Dommes.  I am told that I am to be there to serve food, but it does give me another chance to wear my new collar out in public.  There’s a sense of pride in showing off that you are owned.  Hopefully all goes well as they are a good group.

I think tomorrow night is going to be work work work.  I’m getting behind in my chores.  That and I still have some exercise to make up for.  I’ld also like to get everything done before the long weekend so I can take it as an opportunity to relax.

Funky

I seem to be stuck in a bit if a funk recently.  Not exactly sure why, most likely due to preexisting conditions.

This weekend turned out to be a sexless weekend again.  I’m not complaining, but I do miss it.  It seems like my sex life has taken a nose dive in the last few weeks.  Phoenix seems to still be enjoying g’s newness, and I don’t blame her, it’s great to be able to explore a new person and feel them out.  It seems like most of her sexual energy is pointed to that side right now.  G seems to be much more sexually interested in Phoenix than he is in myself.  My schedule has been conflicting with theirs.  So basically less sex for sid.  I’m sure that this is just temporary, but is one of the complications of a poly relationship.  St least other than that everything is going well.

On the lighter side of things, I was allowed to pick up a new snake this weekend and ended up coming home with a baby Brazilian Rainbow Boa.  Not only that, Phoenix picked up a baby crested gecko for “herself”, so I get the fun of figuring out how to take care of him as well.  Next weekend is a long weekend so I’m hoping that there’s not a lot going on.  I’ld really like to take it easy as this weekend was quite busy.

Yearning

The weekend is almost here. Several more hours and it will be official. It’s going to be a busy weirdly scheduled one though. Phoenix works overnight tonight and tomorrow. The first River City subs event is tonight. The wax play demo is tomorrow night and the reptile expo is on Sunday. I am hoping that there will be some play somewhere in there. Phoenix wasn’t feeling well last night so I had to settle for sticking needles in myself. Fun, but not as fun.

I have a real craving for some play. Any type of play. Even regular old vanilla sex would do me, but It’s never that vanilla any more. Especially since g will be there. Actually, I kinda have a hankering for some ass play. Maybe I’ll get lucky.

Pointies and Sharp Things

We just got three new boxes of needles! Phoenix picked up some more 21guage as well as some 18 and 16 guages. I was playing around with them last night and the 16’s are decadent. You get a nice big shot of endorphins from a single needle. Now we just need to do a scene with a lot of them and I’ll be soaring high. They also leave nice sized punctures in you that blood streams out of. This is pleasing to Phoenix the hemophile. She absolutely loves blood play and has been toying with ideas on how to get a lot of it at once. It’s good then that I tend to bleed a lot. I should have had here pick up some scalpels, but maybe it’s a little too soon for that. She has been talking about how she wants to use her knives to do some bleeding cuts. I guess that’s a good place to start.

There was talk about doing a scene tonight with the new needles so I’m on, and yes I know it’s a bad pun, pins and needles. I want to “donate” some of my blood for Phoenix’s pleasure. Plus I get the pleasure from the piercings.

I’ve also been browsing for some new things to try. There are so many things out there that I haven’t done yet, and that bothers me.  I want to try it all!  Other than a few things, I’ll try anything because you never know, it may be your new favorite thing.  Maybe I should sit down with Phoenix and make a list.

Keep Talking

So this morning I sit here at my desk thinking about what to write. Last night we went for dinner and spent the whole time talking about our relationship and how D/s fits into it. Phoenix had to go to a meeting after and when she got home we ended up just laying in bed talking about what we’ld like to try in scenes. And then it hit me, I’ll write about communication this morning.

Communication seems to be something that people tend to forget in their relationships, whether kinky or vanilla. But in a D/s, M/s, S/m, ans so forth it becomes even more important. We are playing with things that can ultimately be damaging, mentally or physically. You have to constantly know where a person’s head is at and the only real way for this is to be able to communicate.

The method for communication doesn’t have to be verbal. Sometimes, and this happens to me, you get tongue tied or anxious when you are trying to talk face to face with someone. It shouldn’t be hard to find another method though, especially in this day in age where there are a million ways. Email, text message, facebook, and many others. Just take your pick. I’ve found that a great way for myself is to empty my thoughts into this blog as I know that Phoenix will read them. That I’m able to sort out my own thoughts and Phoenix is able to see what’s going on in my head. It’s win win. You can even use a paper journal if you prefer to write by hand.

From a submissive point of view, and this is just my opinion so please don’t take it as “The one true way”, communication should be a proactive task. Not only should we be honest and open with our thoughts, we should be forthright. We should be able to offer our thoughts without somebody have to question us. This can be us being open with our feelings or it can be admitting to an offense before anybody knows that something has been done wrong. This helps our Dominants know us better and helps them make better informed decisions when it comes down to tasks and rules and the like.

The topic that is most being discussed between Phoenix and I currently is where this D/s thing is going and where do we want it to go, if anywhere at all. As of right now, the answer is still unknown, but by keeping the lines of communication open we have tabs on things, and there is less chance of us stumbling on a landmine. We’re both aware of how the other person is feeling and we can choose our actions accordingly. As long as we keep talking, our relationship, no matter what type, will stay strong.

Where did a year go?

Today is Phoenix an I’s one year anniversary. One year ago right now my stomach was knots. And the weather was quite the same as it is right now, sunny and cool. It did turn out to be wonderful ceremony, very small and intimate. One year down, many more to go.

Last night I finally got the play time that I was so desperately craving. I was flopped out on the bed relaxing and try to get the cat’s attention when Phoenix came into the room. She told me to kneel on the bed and proceeded to correct my position to that which she expects from now on. My new collar was placed around my neck and I was instructed to lie on my stomach. Phoenix brought out the new blade that g had bought us for our anniversary and proceeded to go to work on my back. In the end many lines were etched into my back along with a fresh carving on Phoenix’s name and the date that we were married. Due to me not pay explicit attention to the designs she was carving, I then received thirty smacks with the slapper, nine openhanded spanks, and seven good hits from the cane. I was lucky in the fact that I was allowed some release last night, but I still have two more nights without to make up for.

Phoenix is starting to push a little farther when we are playing. She’s not being as reserved as she used to be and isn’t pulling back as much. There’s still room to go, but that will come with time.

Tonight I am meeting Phoenix in the village on my way home for some dinner before she has to go to a meeting for the Prairie Dommes. I’ll have to finish my exercise plan this evening if I don’t have enough time this afternoon as it’s due by the end of the day. I don’t need any more screw ups at the moment.

Collared

On Friday, Phoenix officially collared g. And I received a new matching collar as well. g was quite happy and emotional. It was a good evening. Phoenix had Sylvin at Noir Luna create two beautiful matching collars.  The only downside is I didn’t get to wear mine as much as I would have liked.

Unfortunately, this weekend was a little dry as far as the sexual front goes.  Phoenix was exhausted on Friday, I was in a weird head space on Saturday, so I sat out when it came to that, and Sunday I had to go to bed early.  Mind you, due to a slip of the tongue,  I’m still under no-orgasm punishment.

So far things have been going pretty well with this new way of living.  Phoenix is definitely a lot less stressed, and I’m finally getting my act to together, bot around the house and in life.  Which reminds me, I have to finish drawing out my exercise routine by tomorrow and give it to Phoenix for approval.  I’m genuinely quite happy right now.  I’m starting to develop a daily routine, which is really quite helpful.  I don’t need to fight with myself over doing things if it’s a daily routine, and I remember things better.  There’s been talk of rituals on my subs board recently, and am hoping that maybe some will come my way soon.  Things like that help me keep my head space focused.  And focus is something that I tend to struggle with.

Phoenix seems to be slowly coming to terms with here own dominance and other feelings.  I wonder if there’s anyway that I can help make it easier for her.  g gave her a book to read that he thinks will really help her reconcile some of the internal conflicts that she’s having.  I can see that this can’t be easy for her coming from a feminist background.  The idea of an inegalitarian relationship is generally frowned upon in those circles.  I guess working on my own submission will help her in the long run.  It would be nice to see her take a more “active” role,  but I’m sure that will come in time, if that’s what she wants.  No need to hurry things.  Oddly, one of the things that seems to be bugging her is that I’m doing all the housework and she feels like there’s no trade off.  There will be though.  Hopefully, as time passes and if we continue with this, she will be able to focus some time on training me to be a better person and the submissive that she wants and needs.  I know gaining control over me can be hard, I gave up ages ago.  And that’s what I need is control over my life.  Plus, I get the satisfaction of knowing that I’m making her life better at the same time.

Ruined

Last night, while doing the laundry, I wasn’t observant as to what was in the basket and washed one of Phoenix’s new shirts that needs to bee hand washed.  Needless to say, it was ruined.  So, as punishment and discipline so I am more careful next time, I received a ruined orgasm and will have to read each care label out loud to Her next large load.  I’m pretty sure I won’t make the same mistake again.

Tonight is Kinky Koffee and tomorrow I will need to get out and do some postering for The Ball.  I still need to decide what I am going to wear.  Phoenix will be out of town so it will just be g and I.  Maybe we can figure something out together.  I tell you, there will be no shortage of events in the city for the next while.

Confessions of a pain slut

Phoenix is currently recovering from a back injury, so that has put a damper on our ability to play recently. Oh how I miss the sting of the flogger, the kiss of the cane.

Hello, my name is sid and I’m a pain slut.

I really long to have my limits pushed. Not just pushed, shoved. I want to experience my furthest limits. I want to know what it feels like to be brought to tears. I want to be able to feel it long after it’s finished. I want to be able to look at the marks for days after. I want the floggers sting. I want the canes kiss. I want to feel the knifes blade cut me. I want to feel the needles point pierce me. I want to feel the blood trickle down my body. I want to hurt.

Blank Pages

So I sit here staring at an empty blog with a full mind. It’s almost like looking into a book filled with blank pages, begging to be filled with your thoughts.

Hi, I’m sid. I’m a sub. Well, at least I think I am. I’m at the beginning of exploring my submissiveness and have decided to document my thoughts and feelings. My wife and I have always been kinky, but that tended to remain on the SM side of things. It wasn’t until recently that I have started to explore the D/s world.

My Dominant and Wife and flat out Love of my life , is Phoenix. At the moment she’s starting to explore her Dominant side, partially because I’m exploring the submissive role at the same time, but she’s not quite sure what she wants yet. An other reason is that we have added g to our relationship.

g is a really great guy. g is also the sub’s sub. He is the sub that every Dom wants. He, for some reason, wants us, the unexperienced. I love having him around. He compliments my personality and gives me a place to turn for advice. And if it’s kinky, he’s probably done it, so advice he has.

So far, I seem to be having an easy time falling into the submissive role. I thought that I would have a lot of internal struggle, but that hasn’t been the case. It’s come almost natural. And so far it’s been good for me. It has me doing the housework for once. Even the dishes have become routine for me, and I hate doing dishes, but now it comes easily. Phoenix has tasked me with some health related tasks, such as an exercise plan, something I wouldn’t do on my own. Also, I have gotten into the mindset of doing what is asked, when it is asked, rather than argue or whine or procrastinate.

Honestly, I’m naturally the kind of guy that does what he wants, when he wants, and in no moderation, and tends to cross a lot of lines. Having someone who can set out rules, routines, rituals, limits, and consequences may be quite beneficial to me in this context. At least keep me from doing something stupid or being self destructive. Also, it keeps me doing the thing that I should be doing. Plus I really love doing things for Phoenix and knowing that I’m making her life easier. It gives me purpose, which is something that I’m usually without.

I really don’t know where I’m going to end up. How far I will travel down this road has yet to be determined. That’s not my modus operandi. I’ll just see where it takes me and decide along the way if I stop and stay, keep going, or turn around. I’ll just try and keep a pace that’s not to fast so I can take in all there is to see.